sometimes a "hi" is just that

ah i wish you knew how you make me crazy

in love and breathless and a-heart-pounding fingers-tingling excited

just to be around you.

i wish i could listen to my head that keeps telling me

you've done this before

led me on,

come too close

but yet stayed too far

i wish we could stop being friends

sometimes a "hi" is just that--

a hi

a hello

a greeting.

but it's not that

(to me at least)

you should know

by now

how messed up it makes me inside--

like my insides were a neat ball of yarn

that i spent months carefully carding and rolling into a ball

and here you come in just one day

one instant--

and mess it all up.

i was supposed to be over you....

after all, you chose

her

and her

and HER over me.

if you knew...

if you knew how cruel it was

who's to say you'd stop?

so i keep my mouth shut.

hold my head up

and wait

and wait

and wait for the right guy to give my heart to.

cuz heaven knows i'm ready to truly fall

in

love.

"i just want THAT fish!"

i was feeling a little bit bummed at the end of prom, because of some personal drama that had left me feeling lonely. i hadn't even been praying for any comfort, but it just came to me. the below quote is my attempt to approximate this random thought that popped into my head:

"Put it in perspective: this is just one small moment. Yes, it's hard, and no one likes to be left out, but your life is going to get better. You are not unlovable. Just because no one is in love with you right now doesn't mean no one ever will. There is great happiness waiting for you."

this is coming from the girl who doesn't feel like she gets inspiration: i'm pretty sure that was an inspired random thought.

*title of this post comes from my dear friend, jubear :)

baby feminism

today was a great day.

i'm not making excuses for the many month gap in posting on this blog. i honestly forgot. (but i kind of love it, having rediscovered it)

sis and i made lemon poppy seed muffins today. as usual, we talked about life over baking and glee. the title of this post comes from our discussion about me and my "baby feminist concerns". i love that i have older sissers to look after me and my spiritual welfare.

somewhat related thought i wrote in my gnal:

I fear that a handsome man will sweep me off my feet, make me forget who I am, and marry me. I fear that the fairy tale will fall (dramatically) apart.

(incomplete) thoughts on the divine

i was born questioning (or so i like to think...one can never really tell nowadays)

And I said unto him: I know that he loveth his children; nevertheless, I do not know the meaning of all things.
-1 Nephi 11: 17

sometimes i think that is all you really can know.

i struggle with the word "know". other mormons seem to use it so liberally (my word choice here made me giggle a little) but i silently try to remember the following verse.

Faith is not to have a perfect knowledge of things; therefore if ye have faith ye hope for things which are not seen, which are true.

-Alma 32:21

it helps.

sometimes.

early morning reflections

one of the sad things about fall in new england
it sneaks
(creeps)
and one day, you step out your door and it is freezing.

sometimes it feels as if summerisonsuchahurrrytogettowinter and
all
i
want
is for time to just slow. down.

What Makes You Think You're So Stinkin' Special Anyway?

Wipe that stupid grin off your face.
It's not that cute.

What?
You think that all girls are just gonna

fall
in
love

...with you?

(i wrote this in september. what was i thinking? hmmm i wonder.)

reflections on the little prince

http://www.xkcd.com/618/

tell me. didn't that rip a tiny corner of your heart to shreds?